I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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