I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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