the condom got lost in my hair
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
