Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
