can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
