I think I won the penis lottery.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
