I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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