I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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