dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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