Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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