Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
