i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
