just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
