Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
