You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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