did you get engaged???
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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