we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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