I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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