go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
