Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
