and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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