She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
