Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
