I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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