he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
this is an emotional support booty call
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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