Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
