is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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