absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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