jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
