well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
