A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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