I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i believe in u and ur pee
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