420 ftw
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
