So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
