I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
