So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need a beard to bite.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
