You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
