is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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