I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
