You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
