Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
