We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
