listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
