after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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