Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
