Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
