she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
