So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
