dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
