he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
