my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sext me about skeletons
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
