Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
