I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
