Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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