i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
